Hey Girrrl, Astronautalis Will Buy You Gold Teeth
True Love Makes a Ruin of Us All
Valentine’s Day – that celebration of love, romance, and Catholic martrydom – is almost here. Whether you cherish it or despise it, you can’t really get away from it, so we asked a few of our favorite bands to share their own experiences. Funny, bitter, sad, romantic, tragically awkward...they didn't hold back. So if you're dreading V-Day, read on! You're not alone.
We continue our rockstar love confessions with a man who once told us he got caught “sleeping shirtless with a girl behind the vending machine at the Thunderbird Motel in Missoula, Montana.”
Meet Astronautalis (aka Andy Bothwell), the erudite American rapper who turned that slightly seedy story into a paean of love, lust, and longing in “Secrets on Our Lips” with the lines like “Her bottom lip was swollen from being pressed between my teeth…It’s not a bad life to live/making out all day/living off the food and drinks inside the vending machines” on 2011′s whisky and romance-soaked This is Our Science.
Yes, he wears his heart on his sleeve. But don’t try grabbing him if you’ve already broken it.
What’s your most memorable/worst/funniest Valentine’s Day date?
Valentine’s Day 2010. My buddy and I were both heartbroken, and were having a night of drinking scotch and talking sports to boycott this accursed holiday. Around 1am, we were leaning on the bar, low class drunk on high class whiskey, having a splendid time, when the very woman who broke my heart decided to crash our party. Even after I told her several times, very nicely, please leave us to enjoy our gentleman’s boycott of Valentine’s Day.
Photo courtesy of Astronautalis/Photo credit Megan Thompson
I tried to remain civil for a while…but a half a bottle of Balvenie can make that tricky when confronted with an object of loathing. I can’t recall what prompted me to snap, but snap I did…and I said a lot of things, very loudly, with finger waving.
It all culminated in me pausing briefly to pay my tab and deliver the grand finalé of, “PLEASE STAY OUT OF MY F**KING LIFE!”…Then I walked home in the cold Seattle rain.
What can I say, I have a flair for melodrama!
What is the most hated Valentine’s Day tradition in your country?
All the buying and consuming. I think love is marvelous, and I am not oppossed to a day devoted to the celebration of love…but I fail to see how a crappy diamond tennis bracelet from a corporate jewelry store in the mall shows love. Call me old fashioned.
If you really did want to impress someone on Valentine’s Day, what would you do?
Buy them gold teeth.
If you HAD to pick the most romantic song ever, what would you pick and why?
“To Be of Use” by Smog.
Those lyrics are among my favorite ever written. There is no better summation of the hopeless and beautiful mess that is love than a man saying his only desire is to be of use to a woman.
True love pushes you over the edge of good reason, it makes a ruin of us all…but goddamn it is great to feel needed and loved.