Or, more likely: “I can’t wait to drink a bottle of tequila to the face, make terrible decisions, and pass out in the midst of an alcohol-soaked rage.”
To honor one of the great made-up US holidays (after all, Mexico’s real national holiday is the country’s Independence Day, celebrated September 16), MTV Iggy reached out to some of our favorite artists in search of stories of liquor-fueled debauchery. And we got some good ones. Read on to learn that rock ‘n roll ain’t dead after all.
Party-loving Afrikaans rapper from the zef heart of Cape Town, South Africa; loves brandy with coke, and grilled meat.
“I was at this club in Cape Town called Assembly and this act called New Young Pony Club was playing. When I got there, my friend who manages the place tells me I must come backstage and hang out. Me, being a semi-professional alcoholic, jumped at the chance, knowing that there would at least be free booze.
“I went and started drinking tequila out the bottle with this amazingly pretty red-haired girl. Two or three bottles later she offered me a joint. I didn’t hesitate, not thinking back to my years of toxic psychosis and freak-outs and “everybody hates me! What am I doing with my life” episodes. But anyone who smokes knows booze and weed don’t always go well together.
“Last thing I remember was exiting the backstage towards the dance floor and next thing, like in the blink of an eye, I woke up next to a garage in my car — alone, no petrol, no wallet, no cellphone, just the monitor of my PC on the seat next to me. That’s all, nothing else, in Knysna, which is about six hours drive from Cape Town.
“I still have no idea how I got there, but now and then I get flashbacks of myself driving at high speeds and screaming at myself in the mirror. I had to sell the monitor to a pawn shop to get petrol to get back home. It was good fun.”
Electropop art punks from Tokyo; like the Spice Girls but possessed by inter-dimensional demons.
“We were in Mexico City one night and our friends Jesus and Alberto from Sicario took us to a local mezcal bar. Everyone was having fun and drinking, but that stuff is dangerous! It was a great time, but everything turned to s**t after we left.
“On the way home, our bass player got bitten on the hand by a mangy looking wild dog on the street and had to be taken to hospital for rabies shots, Qrea had her camera and passport stolen by the staff at a bus station, and I ended up singing into the toilet. We woke up the next day feeling uber-rancid and wanting to die…fun times!”
Danish-born, Brooklyn-based indie band; has “faith in booze like the devout have in religion.”
“Some years ago I [Sune, the bass player] got insanely drunk after a show in Copenhagen. I had a full-blown black out for several hours after drinking heavily, ending with slamming 1/5 bottle of tequila in one shot.
“Suddenly I came to . It was early in the morning. After succeeding in sitting down my next move was to lie down, but something obstructed my movement. I turned my head and my eyes met the eyes of an old woman lying in the bed. My movement must have woken her up: “Who are you? How did you get into my apartment?,” she asked.
“I was confused; I was the one who should sleep in this bed. ‘Who are you?,’ I said. I was ready for an argument, but something started to worry me. She was frightened so I looked around to find something to support my rights to be in this room. Nothing seemed familiar though. Clearly this was the home of an old woman. Then I discovered I was only wearing my underwear, the rest of my clothes were out of sight.
“A bit earlier that night my girlfriend was awoken by me burping loudly in her kitchen. I don’t remember any of this, but she told me that she found me at the kitchen table looking helpless with four huge kebabs in a basket in front of me. She took me to the bedroom, undressed me and in bed I was fast asleep. But only for a few minutes. Then I walked out of her bedroom and the apartment wearing only my underwear. Annoyed, she followed me and opened her front door only to find me taking a piss in the staircase. Embarrassed by getting caught I ran down the stairs and she heard the sound of a door slamming. She thought I was out on the streets. It was cold, below freezing, and I was almost naked.
“Worried she got dressed and then ran out, started looking for me. After 15 minutes she gave up, returning to her apartment building to call the police. Going up the stairs she heard my voice from an apartment on the 1st floor. I remember her knocking at the door, coming in and finding me very confused trying to cover my almost naked body.
“The day after, I bought the old lady flowers and chocolate the day after. Lucky me she wasn’t home, so I left it at her front door with a note of apology. I never saw her again. The most disturbing part about this story I find to be the fact that I was in the old woman’s apartment for 15 minutes before I came to. What the f**k was I doing in there?!”
Otherwise known as the “tequila punks” of the Netherlands; songs include “Retox” and “Muff Diver.”
“Last February we recorded a video to our latest single, called “Retox” right here in Amsterdam. We found a really cool fitting location in an old machine room hidden away in the dock of an old unused harbor area. So we got 30 or so friends of ours to come down and rock out with us and film it. All fine and dandy, except for the fact that it was 11 degrees Celsius below zero in the dead of winter and the heating cannon that we brought had broken down!
“So everybody was freezing their ass off in the place. We did happen to bring a case of tequila bottles to keep spirits up. But since there was no other way to keep warm, everybody drank the tequila so fast, the dozen bottles were finished in no time. Which then resulted in all our friends going apes**t from take one. The cameramen was knocked over and there were head wounds and broken tailbones…. and at the end of the shoot everybody left bruised and confused… but above all, feeling nice and warm inside!”
Rapping Irish ne’er-do-wells; notorious story fabricators; stars of MTV Iggy’s acclaimed mini-series “Rubberbandits in NYC”
“When we were younger and we couldn’t legally buy alcohol – we had to get an older boy called Farmer to purchase it for us. We always wanted whiskey, but what Farmer used to do was urinate into empty whiskey bottles and steal our money. So for about 6 years we were drinking his urine that we believed to be whiskey.
“Luckily for us, Farmer had severe drug problems, so his urine was in fact psychoactive. We didn’t know any different and it was a very inebriating substance. Finally, when we became old enough to buy real whiskey we hated the taste of it. So now, we actually pay Farmer for bottles of his piss and drink it at Christmas and Easter. If you would like a bottle of Farmer’s piss, please contact our management and purchase can be arranged.”
Denmark-based post-pop band; likes to get freaky, embrace the chaos.
“We played a gig in Shanghai a while ago at the best underground club in town called The Shelter. It was a great show, and one of the first times we really felt that this band could become something extraordinary. So we, of course, had to celebrate that feeling. And we are really good at that: taking it to the limit.
“Esben crossed the line that night. though. Once in a while he gets these blackouts. The next morning he woke up in the outskirts of Shanghai in what seemed to be a barrack for workers living outside of the city. It also could have been some kind of homeless shelter. He got out of there fast and was pretty confused, so he couldn’t say for sure. However he had no remembrance what so ever of the night. Some things still remain a mystery”
Another time, we played at a big city festival here in Denmark. It’s a pretty big thing now, but it was started by punks, so it’s still a bit punky in the organization of the festival. There was no food for us, just a bottle of rum, a combination that proved too heavy for us that day. When I woke up the next day I couldn’t remember a single second from the show. It was a very expensive gig to play though. We ended up breaking gear worth four times our pay.”